The Journey Ends but... I stand still to Begins All Again

Sometime it hurts, but you cant cry or you wont cry.

Sometimes its not about hiding your emotion, it just you not the person who let the tears flow in front of people.

Time seem passing slowly for me. One month, second month, six month, then a year. Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds. You should stop mourning and move on. Don’t give up, one day you will find someone who will love you as much as him as much as her.  Then, after a moment, you can feel they start to annoyed with your behavior.  So you tried your best to not let people around you down. You hate to see them tired to help you up. So silently your seal your emotion and let them see beauty of you again.

So I stop crying. Maybe they upset, sick and annoyed watching my attitude. So I stop crying and I don’t know how I suddenly stop crying either with myself alone or in front of people. I do  thought my body already move on. I lives my life. I finish my studies. i struggle to keep up world like other. I had my career at point, i got all money that i need, I’m dancing, hangout, exercise, eat and I enjoy my life.

But one moment suddenly I woke up in morning and I felt emptiness. I feel everything at once, I was so choked up and I start crying for no reason, i feel like I’m drowning. Its so dark I was so shivering and then that feeling comes, feels everything seem nothing worth. So I stop and left everything. After all… time never heals wounds. Its just getting worst, without you realize it killing you inside.

Am I a real failure as human. When everyone else seem can move on in what their facing? but me. The memories, the felt, pain and longing at that moment never fade away.  I had all time (I’m still alive) but why seem i’m only breathing and nothing I can do or I don know how or what to do with all this. I’m hurt… I’m sorry for saying this, but its still hurt. Until at one point I hope I never met you.

O Allah, forgive me.
I’m not strong like other.
I weak and lost
I’m not faithful like others
But Allah, its you all I have
I put trust in you
my heart cries so I pour it out only to you
help me to sabr and redha
for now on… guide me all the way to you

forgive all my sins I done
wash away my wrong
forgive me for love other than you.
forgive me for hating you
forgive me…forgive me
and love me once again.
Allahu rabbi, I’m turn to you